


Karkat: Take action

by CreationSylph



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Abandonment, Cutting, Depression, M/M, Rants, Self-Harm, Suicidal Thoughts, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-17
Updated: 2017-05-17
Packaged: 2018-11-01 16:22:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10925526
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CreationSylph/pseuds/CreationSylph
Summary: Because the only way I can express myself is projection.





	Karkat: Take action

"Well.. Fuck, how am I not surprised?"  
You wipe snot and tears from your face as you stare at yet another blurred "I'm busy."  
"The better question is, how am I STILL surprised." Your voice cracks and it makes you hate your weak, needy, pathetic self even more. Everyone has moved on in life, got their own things and lives, and you?  
All you got was left behind.  
Kanaya and Rose got married, Dave was usually off hanging with his brother, which you felt guilty about not being happy for him. Dave had been alone and miserable enough, you should be happy he has a brother to help him through his shit. But the lack of his presence only served to make you feel more empty. And Gamzee...  
You feel a lot of things. Anger, betrayal, sorrow... You've cried yourself breathless and returned to your bad habits out of desperation to control yourself.  
Habit makes your thumb brush over your stinging thighs, and you draw shaky breaths. You hate it. You hate everyone. You hate yourself.  
If they only knew. If they knew how many times you considered taking your life with your sickle.  
Stronger versions of yourself had. You'd met dead Karkats in the dream bubbles who had chosen to die of their own accord, rather than waiting for the game to kill them. One had taken his life long before. He rolled up his sleeve to show you the healed gash that ran ragged and torn vertically up his forearm. Your tears had fallen on his arm as you'd traced your fingers along that line, remembering how closely you'd come to doing the same. He held you and you broke down, snotting and sobbing ugly and broken and so fucking loud into his sweater. He didn't offer anything but the tight embrace and soft circles traced into your back. But god, it meant so much to just be HELD. To be comforted.  
You choke on a sob stuck in your throat as your feelings bubble over and your chest restricts and you can't breathe again.  
You hear a message ping on your phone and you let out a snarl, rage blinding you to reason as you chuck it across the room. You are no longer in the mood to talk.  
This is a time for action.  
You stand, wondering if that doomed Karkat that had understood your desperate need for comfort was still there in the bubbles.  
You decide to find out.

 

 

"karkat?" Dave typed message after message, no answer.  
"Karkat, I Am Available Now If You Still Need To Talk."  
"kk what diid you blow up my hu2ktop for thii2 tiime? hello? a22hole an2wer me."  
"HeY bEsT FrIEnD whAt YoU AlL Up aND waNnA JaM aBouT?"  
"Karkat? Please tell me these awful things y9u have sent t9 me are just hyp9thetical? Karkata Vantas, speak t9 me right now. I am c9ntacting y9ur friends and that Dave human y9u are s9 infatuated with. Please resp9nd, y9u are frightening me very 6adly."


End file.
